Why Girls Get Better Grades
Forgive me if I begin to sound loquacious, but, brothers, this is a monumental day in our history. Today, it will all change. Apparently we men are doomed to slightly lower grades on average than women, and there doesn’t appear to be any slowing of this trend. Hark, for I bring you knowledge of the threat, and the steps we must take to extinguish it.
The obvious question arises; Is it because women are smarter than men? That’s just what they’d like you to think, isn’t it? Sowing the seeds of self-doubt. Fear not! Even the most hard line feministas would probably shy away from such a claim, what with spending a few decades saying just how equal the sexes are, demonstrating this by getting jobs and opening jars and such and such. Do they study more? No. Statistics show*, all girls watch far too many soaps and American teen/housewife based dramas, read to much about Kerry Katona’s latest demon spawn and spend too much time trying to find things at the end of their bags, to allow them to spend much time learning.
“But how?” I hear you whisper.
It is not so much that girls out perform boys, but rather they use subversive tactics to denigrate our exam performance. By a cruel consequence of poor planning in 385 BC, exam time is May/June this side of the equator, just as the Northern Sun awakes from 6 months of half-arsed working-from-home, gets up, and shoves the clouds to one side. Since their liberation from prairie dresses (well, some of them)and burkhas, at some secret GUN (Girl’s United Nations; the acronym is no accident) meeting, they decided that, at an agreed date each year, they would all simultaneously rediscover their strappy tops, shorts, boobtubes and skirts.
Accustomed to their female colleagues annual cocooning themselves into hoodies, trackpants and tweed cardigans (well, I’ve never witnessed that but they must wear something down in Kerry) from the end of the 2 week “first impression” period in September to the eclectic (i.e. bloody bizarre, thank you CO2 emmisions) April weather, men everywhere are suddenly faced with this visual shock, carefully prepared by the succubi females.
It’s a disgrace! These underhanded tactics must be stopped. As a happily owned man, it is not so much of a problem for me, as evidenced by my breezing through Academia like some sort of breezing thing; it is my fallen comrades lured from the library by lust and occasionally lollipops, that must be saved. Make a difference today! Cover up a woman with a poncho, or a hoody. The dignity of our gender is at stake.
